So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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