I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
