dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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