Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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