Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize