I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
