Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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