Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize