Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
