Your tits are I can't wait for
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
