JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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