He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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