I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
