somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
