no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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