omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
