I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
