I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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