Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
