Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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