you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
