And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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