I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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