You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize