Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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