So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
