about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
