New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize