he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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