Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
