He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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