Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was like eating out sand paper
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your penis caused this!
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