Do vagina's smell?
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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