just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
