Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
