Im at strip club and am horny
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
