One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have aggressive nipples.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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