dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
