I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
