im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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