Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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