Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
time to smoke my breakfast
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize