I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
