it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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