Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
