I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
