You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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