I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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