i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize