just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
