You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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