Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
