He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
