The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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