she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
