bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
