His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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