I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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