I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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