I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
