K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
