"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
