i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
