He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
