The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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