I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
