Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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