she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
