So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
