Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
