i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have aggressive nipples.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
