at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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