no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize