I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
