I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
