my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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