Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A bitchslap is in order.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
