Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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