The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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