there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
