When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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