wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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