if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
