Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
