you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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