just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
