just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
