she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
