why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
