it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
