If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
