I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How does one acquire holy water?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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