so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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