I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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