Someone shit on the floor
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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