the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
