Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
