i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize