winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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