New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You are a genius and a whore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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