My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
