who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
