You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
